THIS POST IS ENTIRELY NECESSARY. for the most part, i get asked very good questions on formspring and i have a lot of fun answering them. however, there are a few questions that come up consistently and drive me absolutely nuts.
- “What do you think of [obscure band that isn’t very good]?” followed by “WAIT YOU’VE NEVER HEARD OF [obscure band that isn’t very good] HOW CAN YOU LIVE YOU NEED TO LISTEN TO THEM NOW THEY CHANGED MY LIFE”
i’m picky when it comes to music. i know what i like and i do not deviate very far from that path. i am perfectly capable of finding new artists that i like on my own. and as a general rule, don’t suggest any band that you discovered by downloading one of those urban outfitters sampler packs. unless it’s mos def. hot damn i can dig mos def.
- “So I like this guy but he likes my best friend but my best friend is really nice and said she’s going to turn him down and try to make him like me but then she stabbed me in the back and went out with him but now they’re broken up and I think he might like me but I’m not totally sure but my best friend is going to be so mad if I go out with him so what should I do?”
i don’t know why people come to someone who hasn’t had a girlfriend in years for relationship advice. i am awful with this sort of thing. this is the sort of issue that should be discussed with people you actually know, not some stranger on the internet.
- “Who would you go gay for?”
this one especially irks me because there is no possible scenario in which knowing this information would improve somebody’s life or aid in their pursuit of knowledge. and in my opinion, you can’t just choose to “go gay” for someone; it’s a preference you’re born with. it’s a stupid question and the short answer is i wouldn’t.
- “Do you ever masturbate/look at porn/undress girls in your head/have an impure thought ever?”
why anybody would want to know this is beyond me. it’s really unnerving every time one of these questions shows up in my inbox. you’re asking an underage guy about his sexual habits…that’s creepy.
- “You’re cute!” or something to that effect
i sincerely appreciate these, but i will never answer them unless they’re ridiculously nice. i am completely unable to take a compliment gracefully. i get all flustered and blush and look at my feet and nobody wins. it’s very nice that people write things like that, but please don’t call me a “STUCK-UP PRETENTIOUS SNOB WHO THINKS HE’S THE GREATEST THING EVER” when i don’t answer them (by the way, that’s a direct quote from someone who wrote five or six nice messages that i never responded to). i just don’t think that the people who read my formspring answers are interested in people praising me.
- “Would you go out with a girl who (is tall/is short/you met online/is a crazy fangirl/has long hair/likes electronica/wears a size six shoe/is actually an intergalactic refugee from the planet betelgeuse vii after it was destroyed by a collapsing hrung)?”
i don’t know. maybe. i would have to meet her. unless she fits into that last category. then the answer is yes.
- “Can we be friends?”
yes, that’s all well and good, but please be aware that i don’t talk much, am very introverted, tend to reply with one-word answers, get really nervous about meeting new people and don’t like talking to them, and i rarely start conversations unless i really like you. you are setting yourself up for disappointment. you probably don’t want to be friends with me.
- “[obscure quote that i don’t recognize]” followed by “OH MAN I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU DIDN’T GET THAT WTF”
well done, you’ve stumped the boy who watches fewer than ten movies per year, regularly watches one television show, listens to a narrow variety of music, and hasn’t read a book since paper towns came out. your prize is a false sense of pride. i am not going to recognize every single quote that you throw at me. don’t be surprised when i have no idea what you’re talking about.
- “What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done?”
nothing. i haven’t done anything crazy. i am not the kind of guy to go do crazy things. i do not want to do crazy things. i am perfectly content with my sane activities.
- “Why didn’t you answer my question? )’:”
probably because i either answered an identical question very recently, i didn’t have a good answer, or it was one of the questions mentioned above.
i was going to post something on my tumblr, but i couldn’t find any pictures of girls with cut-up leggings or people looking away from the camera as they smoke nonchalantly in black and white, so i decided not to.