May 2011
i regret to inform you that there will be no depth...
Stranger: Free will is an illusion.
You: your douchebaggery, however, is not.
o_o
does anyone else feel like they talk to themselves an above-average amount?
monstergrandfather asked: ... How is it possible to go to Disneyland without having to sell your house...!?!
; ^ ;
; ^ ;
uncle danny is a weirdo
Looking for someone to chat with... (so, please wait)
You are now chatting with a person, say hi.
▲: hullo
▼: i will take you under my wing
▲: oh wow
▲: please do
▼: alright, but there is a process you must go through to be accepted under the cozy shelter of my wing
▲: ohohoho
▲: tell me
▼: first, you must agree to be completely subordinate
▼: next step, you cannot tell your parents
▲: you sound like my uncle
▼: third step, you cannot tell anyone
▼: NON ONO NONO i swear i'm not
▲: ...uncle jeff?
▲: you sure?
▼: no i'm not him
▼: i promise
▼: anyway last step is put on this apron
▼: only this apron
▲: hmmm
▲: yeah, you're definitely not uncle jeff
▲: you're uncle danny.
▼: i'm not even
▼: i swear to you, my child, i am not your uncle
▲: you should meet uncle danny, you guys like the same stuff
▼: no please let's just get on with this
▼: will you agree to all of those steps?
▼: will you
▼: commit them?
▲: sure thing, uncle danny!
▼: shut the fuck up and drop the "you're my uncle" act
▼: you promised to be subordinate
▲: ):
▼: so i tell you what to do
▲: sorry uncle danny
▼: no
▲: x:
▲: oops
▼: it can't work out like this
▼: i'm not your uncle
▼: i'm not into incest
▼: that's not my thing
▲: OH
▲: definitely not any of my uncles then.
▼: thank you for finally listening
▼: put on the apron, please
▲: sure thing
▼: alright, and you promise not to tell anyone?
▲: of course
▲: family secret ;)
▼: this is not a motherfucking family secret
▼: you will literally tell no one, this is something which only us two know about
▲: right
▼: alright
▼: then you have been accepted into the honorable position under my wing
▲: hooray!
▼: you may breathe rainbows into my ears and whisper stories to fuel my flights
▲: o:
▼: tell me a story
▲: i'm no good at stories uncle danny, you know that
▼: ...
▲: oh hamburgers
▼: i will hurt you
▲: definitely uncle danny.
Anonymous asked: has anyone ever submitted naked pictures to you?
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you aren't going to like this. but i actually...
THAT CANNOT EVEN BE POSSIBLE. the internet is such a strange place
answering questions here while i am rendered speechless!
Adam took the young boy in his arms
tommilsom:
and with his face close, whispered ‘I’d like to make the world believe’. The boy was transfixed, hanging on every word of the man who had whisked him away from the concert not an hour ago. ‘that the world turns slowly’, continued Adam, his eyes sparkling in the candlelight.
The boy moved his face every so slightly closer to Adams, so their lips were almost touching. Adam closed his...
if i ever have a spaceship, i’m going to call it team rocket so that every time i use it people can say “looks like team rocket’s blasting off again”
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it’s a good financial move to bet people exorbitant amounts of money that the rapture won’t happen today. if it doesn’t, you get money. if it does, you won’t have to deal with the consequences.
droolskie-deactivated20120829 asked: "Do you have any pet peeves?
people who spew internet memes in real life and think they're hilarious. you're not hilarious. you're annoying and everyone thinks you're weird."
hahaha oh, so your girlfriend <3
people who spew internet memes in real life and think they're hilarious. you're not hilarious. you're annoying and everyone thinks you're weird."
hahaha oh, so your girlfriend <3
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I don't understand why guys find boobs...
i don’t think i can explain it any more thoroughly than i already have. it’s probably deeply ingrained into the male psyche. it could be vestigial instincts from infancy, when our dependency on breasts was necessary for survival. they could be subconsciously linked to very early memories of our mothers, who provided us comfort and love.
alternatively, they could just be really fun...
I FOUND IT
jensenapples:
muttonheads:
dat-posse:
FUCKING CAPS FOR SALE
DAMN
ALICE ALICE LOOK IT’S YOUR BOOK BUT IN ENGLISH
THOSE GODDAMNED MONKEYS
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does anyone want to buy a very gently used...
it has the box, charger, stylus, BIG stylus, dragon quest wars and 1500 dsi store points on it.
Anonymous asked: When did you get a girlfriend? What is her name?
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Osama is dead
lifeisliterallylimited:
giantpurplemonster:
So troops can come home now?
Are gas prices going down?
Is airport security gonna stop cavity searching on the regular?
Is the war over?
YEAH, DIDN’T THINK SO.
This is why I adore Tumblr.
gas prices: http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/washington/2011/05/gas-prices-could-fall-by-50-cents-this-summer-experts-say.html
YourAverageCreep
afraidofstarfish:
Tell me when to stop posting NF stuff.
what is the meaning of this
if i purchased every single thing i wanted from...
WELP TIME TO FIND A JOB
Anonymous asked: would you/have you ever posted a shirtless picture?
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I'm getting a new kitten and I don't know what to...
hmm. that could be tricky. try thinking of a name you don’t like and then name it the opposite.
answering questions here while i am rendered speechless!
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