fanfiction

it is the year 2017

i am performing at a small comedy club in nyc

i’ve achieved moderate success; local respect, but little nationwide attention

i’m leaving the club after a pretty good set

as i’m about to walk through the door, i hear a voice behind me

“nice job up there.”

i say “thanks” as i turn around

it is beyonce.

“oh my god” i gasp

i cover my mouth

it was stupid and i am making it worse

i can’t help it

she giggles

dear sweet merciful jesus, she giggles

she seems cool with it

she knows who she is

“wow uh thank you so much” i stammer

she smiles

the rest of the world stops for a moment to admire that

i’m running on autopilot

words come spilling out

“do you maybe want to get something to drink”

oh no

oh no

oh no oh no oh no

what have i done

her eyes narrow

her lips twitch up into a little half smile

her half smile smiles more than her regular smile

that doesn’t make any sense

but she’s beyonce

she doesn’t have to make sense

“are you asking me for a date?”

she says it without a hint of nervousness

whereas i am anxiety incarnate

her eyes are laser-focused on mine

oh god

no not a date

well maybe a date

in my head a date

but not in real life

like every white boy in the world the last thing i want is trouble with jay-z

“no no of course not i mean just just a drink is all just for fun”

she curls up her half smile a little more and flicks her eyes momentarily upwards

“well…” she starts

“oh my god is that beyonce”

that wasn’t me

i know very well it is beyonce

it is someone else in the club

ruining my life

“oh christ” mutters beyonce

oh christ indeed

“look, i gotta go.  and i don’t think i’ll be able to take you up on that drink”

“oh yeah yeah that’s totally fine” i spew

in my head it is not fine

it is very very sad

“but hey, you’re funny and you’re a sweet kid”

i can’t recall exactly what happened next but i think what happened was

she put her hand on one of my cheeks

and her lips on the other

once again that’s just guesswork

i was too overwhelmed to mentally record the transaction

whatever was happening ended and she looked back into my eyes

“keep it up” she whispered

and then she was gone

immediately my fellow low-life comedian scumbags surrounded me

“dude, did fucking beyonce just kiss you”

i paused for a second

“no” i replied

“just someone who looks like her”

140 Notes/ Hide

  1. bitcorn reblogged this from adamusprime
  2. tabcan reblogged this from adamusprime
  3. physicmarlee reblogged this from adamusprime
  4. therealravensymone reblogged this from adamusprime
  5. angie-joy reblogged this from adamusprime
  6. stefunurl reblogged this from adamusprime
  7. stateyourporpoise reblogged this from adamusprime
  8. jessiejolly reblogged this from adamusprime
  9. mostlyafangirl reblogged this from adamusprime
  10. missyshenanigan reblogged this from adamusprime
  11. ofiniso reblogged this from adamusprime
  12. lifeasabug reblogged this from adamusprime